Antiques Horror Show

I love going to antique stores. I always go with high hopes of finding a hidden gem of a piece of hardware tucked away somewhere, but always end up just finding endless shelfs of Kodak folders and Argus C3’s. I also love them since about 95% of the photos I own in my collection come from unnamed photographers whose prints have ended up at various antique stores.

Aside from hunting for weird objects to feed my photography fetish, I also have a third sick reason for frequenting these stores. That reason is to see the endless parade of creepiness that presents itself to my eyes as I look over the shelves. This post is a highlight reel from one on such parade in late 2007.

Screaming man riding a donkey

Look close at the full sized image. His mouth is bigger then it looks as he has a huge amount of teeth. He not singing, he is snarling at you.

Yes. You.

Evil the Cat

Never trust a cat with no pupils. Seriously. This kitty isn’t a gentle blind old soothsayer here to tell you your fortune. This kitty is soulless and coming to kill you, and the snowman couldn’t be any happier about your impending doom. And why shouldn’t he? The best thing he has to wait for is summer where he will melt away.

Claw Clown

Some sort of stygian zombie clown digging its way out of the ground to come and get you. With claws like that, expect nothing less then the ferocity of a raptor as it tears through your house while it is on the hunt.

Fat Boy Bell Head

No. I won’t discuss this one. It has too much happiness on its face.

Quaker Oats Death Totem

Keep buying and eating Quaker oats, and the happy bottom head will greet you with smiles and hugs.

However, if you neglect your oat eating duties, the more flagitious top head will enter your house through your dreams and corrupt everything you have ever have loved, and ever will love.

Jefferey Jones Pitcher

I’m not sure who’s head is suppose to have been turned into a little pitcher here, though I really beleive it is some bad Jefferey Jones fan art.

Shakespeare’s Head

Well, Shakespeare’s head is what it was labeled as. Conveniently cut out and attached to a handle for your drinking pleasure. I hear cups like these are popular keepsakes among more refined and well-read zombies.

Naked baby facing a wall

This creepy little guy was behind glass in a locked case, which means that no mischievous customer turned him into his current position. Thus, it is obvious that it is alive and moved there during the night.