4 Reasons Why Film Photography Is Just Plain Stupid

Adorama recently published a blog post titled 5 Reasons Why I Am Never Going Back to Film Photography which has caused quite a stir in the film photography world. This post has really opened my eyes and has gotten me thinking about just how useless film photography is. So I've decided to throw my hat into the ring as well and bring up a few additional reasons why film photography should finally go away for good.

My Emil Praslowicz Tribute Edition Leica M3
My Emil Praslowicz Tribute Edition Leica M3

Here are four reasons why film photography is just outright stupid.

1. Dead People Have Probably Used The Gear

Very few companies are manufacturing new film cameras in this day and age. I know I have only once bought a new-in-box film camera, and that was way back around 2003. With so much of our gear being sixty or more years old and purchased used, it is very likely someone who is now dead was a previous owner.

This fact opens up all sorts of doors to hauntings that makes me somewhat scared to use film cameras. Who knows what kind of evil plan the previous owner is waiting to spring on me while out in the field while using their camera? Did you know even know that the "keh" in keh.com originally stood for "Keep `em Haunted"?

Buying the latest and greatest DSLR or mirrorless camera brand new every two years sure does ease my mind over not being haunted by some long passed photographer.

Film: 0. Digital: 1

My 2016 panic induced film stash purchase
My 2016 panic induced film stash purchase

2. Constant Dread That Film Will Go Away

Is it worth the constant stress and fear of wondering if this year is the year that digital will finally win the great film vs. digital battle? Will this year be the year that all photographic film vanishes from the face of the Earth and all the skills I've learned to use it end up being for naught?

This unneeded stress has just been ravaging my emotional wellbeing for eighteen years now! Every year I drain my savings filling up a freezer for the inevitable downfall of film, and every year it never happens. I can't live like this anymore. It is far too nerve-wracking.

Film: 0. Digital: 2

3. Film Passes Much More Painfully Through The Body

As photographers, we have all had that moment where we are drinking coffee while working on post-processing some pics or doing some other arduous task that needs to be done to promote our art. Then we reach for the coffee mug to take a sip and, whoops, we accidentally grab a roll of film and swallow it instead! How embarrassing.

Back in the film days, this was a very uncomfortable turn of events as the film canister makes its way through our digestive system. And damn weren't you glad when it was only 35mm instead of a roll of medium format? Those longer medium format spindles are brutal all the way through.

Nowadays when we do this with an SD card, it is hardly a thing. Sure we might have to wait an extra day or two to post process those 12,000 images we took that kid's birthday party last week, but at least the card is still usable after a mild scrubbing. That never worked back in the film days.

Film: 0. Digital: 3

4. All Those Assault Charges

What is the first thought you have whenever you buy a new piece of vintage, built like a tank, camera gear? That's right; it is "If anyone comes after me I can just hit them with it and keep on shooting!"

Sure sounds good in theory, until the day comes where mistake people who walk through your shot as a literal assault on your art. Then you lose your cool and start to swing around that heavy Pentax 6x7 by its strap knocking out every man, woman, and child between your tripod and Horseshoe Bend while screaming "BACK OFF YOU ASSHOLES I'M A PHOTOGRAPHER TRYING TO GET A VERY IMPORTANT SHOT HERE BEFORE THE SUN GOES DOWN!" Oh how quickly one discovers how much film they won't be able to stockpile next year because they lose all their money paying multiple assault fines.

I know that with my lightweight plastic feeling Fuji XE-2, I've never thought that it would make a suitable weapon, and thus this has never happened. I just shoot the scene and remove the people later in Photoshop.

Film: 0. Digital: 4

Checkmate Film Photographers!

Also please remember to support my growing family by buying a book about how to best master digital photography.

Category Humor & Satire